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Crossroads

March 12, 2019

As Bone Thugs-n-Harmony would sing, “See you at the Crossroads.”  Well, I’m not at that Crossroads, I’m at another. 

I’m in my personal purgatory, a limbo of the life, one that I use to know and a new one.  OKAY, I’m being a little dramatic!  But, in all seriousness, I am at a personal crossroads, I just turned 40 yrs old.  I’m FINALLY in a healthy, happy, and loving relationship.  I know, I wasn’t sure this day would ever come either (insert sarcastic comment, nevermind – I just did). 

Here’s my crossroad, I’m in between wanting to start a family or diving head first into a new business concept/career. 

Why can’t I have both, after all I’m a modern woman?  Right?  For me this doesn't feel right.  It might work for some women.  But, the mere thought stresses me out.

I grew up in a single parent household.  Maybe, that was not the intentions of my parents when they got married and conceived me. But it is what ended up happening.  I don’t blame either of them.  It is what it is. 

Growing up, I was raised on Nick at Night….. Donna Reid (my favorite), My Three Sons, Mr. Ed, and Leave it to Beaver.  Those were the days or at least that’s what I imagined.  I wanted that life more than anything.  Then, the unimaginable happened to me – LIFE. 

One bad, failed, and even at time abusive relationship after another.  Don’t get me wrong not all were horrible, some even taught me how to trust men again.  But, the majority of my dating life was not the best.  So, I turned to something other than love (or a romantic relationship) – work, school, and starting a career.  I’m sure someone will read this blog and say, “You have to learn to love yourself first, blah, blah, blah.”  I will say this back, “Put a sock in it!  If I wanted your opinion, I’d give it to you.”  Relax, I’m kidding!  I would not say that (at least not anymore).  Laugh, it was a joke!

The reality is that I never wanted a career.  I just ended up being a ball busting, goal crusher, with an entrepreneur spirit out circumstances, because for me being a soccer mom was never an option before.  Well, Surprise!!!  It’s an option!  And, this is my Crossroads….I now have the option (with the help of science) to have the family that I’ve always dreamed of, I get to be Donna Reid.  The thing that I struggle with the most is letting go of everything else.  I want to be fully present at all times in my children’s life.  I want to have dinner ready when my husband comes home.  I want my family to be the center of my life.  But, will I be judged if I trade one for the other?   

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